Pity Party - You've been warned

Can you ever just feel yourself slipping into depression? I can.  I didn't realize how lonely I was till I was driving home after dropping Jordan off at a friend's house.  I've been trying to throw myself into my callings, which for the most part has worked.  However, since we've returned from Josie's.  I find myself really depressed.  I don't know if it's cause I'm really worried about her and the baby or what? 
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Sorry, dear son-in-law,  if you read this, it's true I am scared to death of her and the baby being left with you. I feel that the things you say to her are emotionally abusive.  You don't seem to talk or treat her with respect.  At least not while we were there.  She says you have some sort of macho, I am man side.  That you always show around others.  Well, I don't like it.   And when it comes to my grandson, your son.  You don't even seem to want to man up and be a part of his life.   You say things like he hates you.  He'll learn the pecking order.  And that he looks evil.  My other daughter says she even heard you say your gonna kill him.  What the heck?  HE was 2 and a half weeks old, when we were there.  That's just not funny.  You have no idea how much I wanted to talk my daughter and grandson and bring them home with me.  Heck you didn't even hold him more than 2 minutes in the week that we were there.  At least not that I could see.  Do you even have any idea the kind of torment my daughter is going through, right now.  She is so very worried about how your gonna handle being a stay at home dad, when you gave up on trying to feed him 30 seconds into it. 

While I'm writing this I may as well also tell you that it totally freaks me out when you talk as violently as you do. Your always gonna kill this or that.  Or punch this person or that person.  It scares the crap out of me how violent you are.  My daughter has never been a person that deals well with sarcasm so, I can't help wondering what that talk does to her. 

It also breaks my heart that we came up there so that my husband could give the baby a name and blessing.  However my daughter said you were all of a sudden acting so against it.  To be honest she seemed afraid of you.  All I can do is pray that you will grow up or that she will have the strength she need to stand up to you and do whatever she feels is right.

Okay I've rambled on to long with this.  I sincerely hope and pray that the you we saw is not really the you that she is normally married to. And that you really are as caring and sweet as she makes it sound like you are. 

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okay so I guess I'm more upset from our trip than I realized.  I should probably erase that letter but, I'm not going to.  Some part of me hope that maybe he'll read it and realize what kind of person we see him as and he'll change it. However they never read this so.  Odds are they won't.

Of course I can also feel my lonelyness grow more each time my husband hides in his game world or is bound to the house cause he is always sick, dizzy and in pain.  My bad self image grows in these times too.  I feel like like I'm the worlds most selfish person.  Cause I want to get out, do things, have fun, play outdoors, explore, hikeplay sports together.  I really miss doing things with him.  I know that makes me a selfish person because I want so badly to do those things and he can't.  So we sit at home and watch netflix.  And I just indure the monotonous schedule that has become my life.   My big fear however is that he won't be around long.  That he'll leave me behind by myself.  See selfish.

Well this blog has turned into more of a pity party than anything so I'm going take us all out of our misery and end this.  I need to find something productive to do. Guess I'll paint more camp shirts.