Thinking out loud (well sort of)

I have three offspring living at home. Ages 18, 16 and 14. Two of those children get along great and when they don't they still know how to communicate and work out whatever the problem is. The third child has an anger management problem. I'm not convinced that it is something he can't control. He also has selective memory issues. I think part of the problem is that he has learned that when it comes down to it. What can we do to actually make him do what we ask. That and he loses his temper easily with his siblings. They have often been covered with bruises and various marks. The thing I don't understand is why he seems to save this behaviour for us or the siblings. It's my understanding that when he's gone away on long and short camping trips with his brother, where his brother was in charge, he behaved just fine. He behaves fine when relatives watch him and he even does well watching youngin's. Why does he save this behavior for just us.

Anyway to my delima. We told him is is coming with us when we go to Texas. We just don't trust him with his siblings. We don't want to have to worry about if he's tormenting them while we are gone. After all it will take us two days to get home to do something about it. Now he's starting to question why the other two can stay home. Which the only response we have is they don't want to fall behind on school work. Eight school days is a lot to catch up on.

Of course that just ticks him off and starts him on rant. So I've flat out told him we don't trust him enough to leave him. He tried to use homework as an excuse. We said he can arrange for it ahead of time. He brought up that if he doesn't understand something he'll be stuck and fall behind. I told him he can go to a homework helper type thing online. Then he brought up his German class *sigh*. We can't find homework helper for that and he won't be hearing it and doing it the way his teacher wants. Therefore he will fall behind. Why couldn't he be taking Spanish. Grandma could help him.

So now I sit here debating do I let him stay home? Every fiber in me is screaming no. Do I try to find someone who's house he can stay at? I'm afraid spending that much time with Ryan or Chase, JD will have issues. He knows them to well and therefore will eventually cross that line and leave the behaved state. I know he would be respectful and listen to the adults (unless they are me or John), unless they all of a sudden change the rules. He doesn't do well with that. Then there's the fact that he would be eating off someone else. The boy really knows how to put it away. So what do you do offer to pay someone to feed him while he's there? And how much do you pay? Or I can make him go home for meals, where he can fight over not wanting to do chores? Then there's the seminary factor. I usually try to wake him up several times starting at 5 am. Once he's out of bed he's pretty set. Rides to school wouldn't be a problem Jeremy would drive to get him unless it's icy or snowy then Jeremy will be freaking out about driving. JD is never awake enough to fight in the morning with the siblings. That and for some reason he doesn't fight when Jeremy's driving. He's been told he will not ride with Jeremy if he does, so somehow he can control himself.

The biggest problem to me I guess is that I don't want to burden someone with my kid. Especially when he's old enough that he should be able to be left with his adult age sibling.